DeStress your love with a deposit secret…

We ladies tend to put a lot of stress on the love of our life when it

comes to special occasions. I read recently that the day after Valentine’s day is the one where many relationships start to crumble.

The message went that if the guy doesn’t remember the gal up to some sort of “standard,” he fails. The woman may start looking around for someone else.

Sorry ladies, I think this is just sad, sad, sad. Relationships are two-way streets. We have to interact and support each other.

Keep making deposits…

Think of relationships like a checking account. You have to keep making deposits to assure good cash flow. Both parties do. But there is no manual that teaches us this. So we just use up what is there and then start to struggle.

For a relationship that is healthy in body, mind, and spirit, we need to use our brains and make regular deposits. It may sound corny, but it invites the other person to make deposits too.

It’s not rocket science.

Why guys struggle

Why do guys tend to drag their feet at say taking us out for Valentine’s Day, or an anniversary or birthday? If your guy is like most of the fellows I’ve met, there are some clear clues.

Number one – failure. He doesn’t want to disappoint. No guy wants to fail, especially with his lady. Just like us, they need positives. They need to feel successful.

Number two – don’t dump all the dinner decision responsibility on his shoulders. Guys hate it when we don’t help them out. How many of us respond to “Where do you want to go?” with “Oh, I don’t care.”  Wrong.

Number three – he really doesn’t want to have to get gussied up. While we may like to put on special outfits, most guys have their own “comfort zone” that may not include a suit and tie. Even if he wants to go comfy doesn’t mean he will mind at all if you want to wear something a little special.

Some men enjoy “fine” dining. Most see it as posturing and positioning. They would rather have great food in a relaxed atmosphere. Somewhere they feel comfortable and not pressured.

Help your guy out – it’s win-win

We could make life so much easier. We could take the fear out of special occasions. We could remind them why they are the winner who chose us.

How? Well, there are a couple of ways to approach it. First, you probably know their ultimate food fantasy favorite place.  Suggest it! There are a couple of them in my hometown of Eugene, OR.

Cornucopia with its 8oz and 16oz burgers comes to mind. (Oh, yes, they do

have salads and other “girl” foods or vegan if you prefer.) Casual, friendly, fabulous food. Relax over beer or wine while they custom prepare that grill to your specifications. Make it even better by going with friends.

You could surprise them and make a reservation there…. Or you could suggest it. “How about we go to Cornucopia for Valentine’s day?” A sincere smile and a wink or a kiss on the cheek. But you must be absolutely honest and comfortable with this.

If you aren’t sincere in your offer, you are better not making it. He will know in a heartbeat. You will be making a big withdrawal instead of a deposit.

What guy wouldn’t jump at going out for an OTT decadent hamburger or nice thick steak at the local steakhouse?

You have taken him off the hook. You have avoided all the negatives. You have reminded him why he chose you. Now go have fun!

But what about your favorite spot that he likes, but isn’t as crazy about?

Well you could have lunch there with a girlfriend (never a bad idea.) Or over desert… while he feels sated from all that protein … Use your girlish wiles. You remember the early days of your relationship. Remind Him. Flirt a little and suggest your favorite spot one of these days.

You are making a deposit in your joint bank, your love account, and inviting him to do the same. Practice regular deposits into your account and enjoy the rewards.